On My Writers Block

Page 11

2012-01-01T20:40:00.000-08:00

The smell of coffee woke me from a deep sleep. I didn't remember dreaming,which was probably a good thing. Life has been chaotic lately and sleep hasn'tbeen extremely restful.

Grabbing my robe, I headed down the stairs. Before I entered the kitchen, Iknew John was making that expensive kind of coffee - the kind that requires anexpensive coffee grinder, and expensive coffee maker. You could say John was abit of a coffee snob. I discovered that shortly after first meeting him. Lisaand I had lived on store-bought generic brands (whatever was on sale) but hewould have none of that. Ironically, John is pretty laid-back when it comes tomaterial things - he prefers not to spend top-dollar if he doesn't have to. Butcoffee was different. Buying something "sub-standard" was just notacceptable. Lisa loved him for it.

"Good morning!" John said, handing me a full cup with just theright amount of creamer. "How did you sleep?"

I carefully took the hot cup from his hands, enjoying the scent of thecoffee. I chose to take a sip before answering. "I slept really well,thanks. Actually, it's probably the best sleep I've had in quite a while."I followed John into the living room. Lisa was already sitting on the couch, handon her belly, reading her Bible. I decided to take a seat at the other end ofthe couch, folding my legs beneath me. Unfortunately, I was not as disciplinedas she was. My crazy life had meant that extended amounts of quiet time forprayer and devotions had been sketchy at best.

Lisa looked up from her reading. "Rachel, I was thinking that afterbreakfast I'd like to head to the mall. I have a couple more items I need toget from the baby store. We could grab lunch at Mario's after. Soundgood?"

She said the magic words. Mario's was my favorite restaurant in town. Notonly did they have the most amazing pizza with a secret sauce that issupposedly hundreds of years old, but they had to-die-for pasta and bread thatmelted in your mouth. It was a no-brainer. "Of course! We need to makesure you've got everything for this baby before he or she comes! Speakingof...are you going to find out what you're having?"

John shot me a funny look. Lisa shot John the same one. I knew that it hadbeen THE discussion of the century. At first, Lisa wanted to keep it all asurprise - she once said that "no one ever waits for the surprise anymore.These days people plan every second of their day and I feel like it's the onemystery we can still have." Two weeks later, she was itching to find out.John, on the other hand, really didn't care. He just wants his wife to behappy. He's a smart man.

Lisa was the first to speak up. "We haven't decided yet. Theappointment is next week and I just can't decide!" She threw her hands upinto the air to emphasize the enormous drama of the situation. John justsmiled.

"Well," I said, "you could always have the technician writethe gender on a piece of paper and mail the answer to me..." Lisa lookedat me, cocking her head to one side, considering the suggestion. John, on theother hand, just shook his head.

John spoke up now. "Rachel, you know if you volunteer that idea, Lisawill call you daily, trying to get the answer out of you." Lisashot him a "how could you think I'd do that" glance, which quicklyturned into a "okay, maybe you're right" look.

Deciding it was time to hop into the shower, I stood up. "Well, I'mmore than willing to be the gatekeeper. In the meantime...let's shop!"Putting my coffee cup in the kitchen, I headed to the stairs. Looking back atJohn and Lisa, I stole a private moment of theirs as John sat next to his wife,touched her belly, and then bent down to kiss it. His lips moved quietly, and Iimagined he was saying a quick prayer to his unborn babe.

Aftera quick shower, I dug in my suitcase to find my favorite pair of jeans and alight-weight pink sweater. Two verycomfortable items. Following my nose, Iheaded downstairs to see what John had cooked up. He was quite the cook. I teased him that he should open his ownrestaurant, but he always laughed at me, stating the fact he'd never had anyformal training. Walking into thekitchen, I saw him pull out a mouth-watering breakfast casserole from the oven. Slices of perfectly cooked bacon sat in themiddle of the table, and at least a dozen melt-in-your-mouth pancakesthreatened to fall over on the plate they were sitting on. Next to that was a container of locally-madesyrup. John and Lisa weren't fanaticsabout organic foods, but they enjoyed buying from local farmers whenpossible. My stomach growled again. “John – this looks FABULOUS!”

Althoughhe was humble, I could see the smile on his face. “Thanks, Rachel.” Looking over at Lisa, I could see she wasproud of her husband, and even more in love with him than when they firstmet. If I didn't know them so well, I'dprobably gag.

AfterJohn said grace for our meal, we all dug in. It was definitely a beautiful morning.

**********

“May 2, 1963. Ivisited with Sarah at length today. Forthe past two weeks I had noticed she seemed...off. I don't know how to explain it, but somethingin my spirit told me I needed to go to her. I assumed something was wrong. Ididn't know just how wrong things really were.”

I put the journal down. I only had a few minutes to read before Lisa and I headed to the mall tofind a couple of baby things. Just then,she poked her head in the doorway.

“Hey you! Are youready?” She slung her Gucci purse overher shoulder. Lisa was not one to spendlots of money on clothing, but she always said a good purse was worth itsweight in gold.

I hopped off the bed, walking towards the door. “I'm ready when you are!” With that, we headed downstairs and outsideto my car. There was a note stuck to mywindshield. I gently picked it up,immediately irked that it might be a parking ticket. “What's this?”

Lisa was just as surprised as I was. “I don't know Rachel – as far as I know thereisn't anywhere on this street you can't park.” She shrugged her shoulders and started to get into the passenger seat.

As I looked it over, I saw that it wasn't a parkingticket. It was a typed note. It read, “Stop before you get in toodeep. Consider yourself warned.” I flipped it over, looking for someindication of who it could be from. There was nothing. I looked atLisa. “I have NO idea who this is from. And who would know I was here?”

I slid into the driver's seat and looked over at Lisa. I could tell that she was concerned, butobviously her mind was elsewhere.

Page 10

2010-05-21T18:57:00.000-07:00

It took two hours to talk about my grandma's journal, and it took another two hours to talk about Lisa and the baby. We'd had many conversations on the phone, but I think once we were able to sit face-to-face, she just felt the need to express every thought and emotion. I loved it. I watched her eyes as they lit up while she talked about her baby. I could tell that there was a great anticipation of the unknown - as well as a little apprehension - and she was excited. Being her closest friend, I was excited for her too.

Lisa and John had been married a few years and had wanted children right away. Unfortunately, it didn't come as easily as they'd hoped. For unknown reasons, they just couldn't make it work. After a couple years of trying, they were put on some fertility medicine. After a few months of that with no success, they tried a couple of other, more expensive avenues. I remember the day when Lisa called me, crying. They had exhausted their savings and were devastated with no baby yet. The decided to take a vacation - literally. I think they had both been so focused and so stressed on trying to make a baby, that they were just burned out. So, they packed their bags and headed to the beach for a week. Thankfully, a co-worker of John's had a vacation home on the coast and was more than happy to let them stay there. I remember Lisa telling me that it was just what they needed. They needed that time away to focus on themselves and their relationship - and especially their relationships with God. They spent a lot of time reading their Bibles, spending time in prayer, and discussing things they'd been studying. When they returned, they were refreshed.

And they were pregnant.

Lisa didn't discover it for a few weeks. She told me that they had truly stopped focusing on trying to have a baby, and instead focused on themselves again. She was in tears when she called to tell me the news. It took about 15 seconds for me to join her in tears.

Now, she and John were elated, as they should be. I couldn't be more happy for them.

There was a twinge - just a small one - of jealousy. I've always prided myself on my independence and ability to NOT rely on a man for my happiness. But I also had to admit that I did want a family of my own. I knew I would someday - I was just waiting for God's timing.

Lisa put down her glass and looked at me with exhaustion, "I think it's time for bed." She rubbed her belly. "I know I am!" With that, I helped her off the couch and cleaned up the kitchen. She didn't need to show me the way - I knew right where the guest room was. Lisa and John made sure to make me feel at home anytime I came to visit. It was nice.

Page 9

2009-09-19T22:08:00.000-07:00

As I rounded the corner of Lisa's street, I could easily spot her house. She and John had bought a fixer-upper, but you'd never know it looking at it now. I remember the long weekends they spent cleaning, fixing and sometimes re-fixing the floors, the bathrooms and the walls. Determined to do most of the work on their own, they spent many nights on that house. You could tell they were proud of the hard work they put in.

Painted a light gray with black trim, the house was originally two-stories and had 4 bedrooms with 2 bathrooms. When they bought it, the master bedroom was downstairs, but they decided to knock out the wall, extending the kitchen area, and then remodeled the attic space to make one amazing master-suite. Honestly, I don't know how they foresaw the potential in that place when they first bought it, but the evidence was there. Once finished, Lisa was free to let her creative juices flow and she managed to decorate it perfectly. It was clean and comfortable, and was the favorite place for all her friends to hang out.

I decided to park my car on the street - I wasn't sure what John had planned for in the morning and I didn't want to get in the way. Even before I got to the door, Lisa and her belly greeted me.

"Rachel! It's about time!" Lisa reached out and gave me a hug. "What happened? Was there awful traffic coming down?"

Returning the hug, I followed her in from the porch into the house. I could see she had lit some candles to mask the endless cleaning products she probably used earlier that day in anticipation of me coming down. Honestly, I don't know why she bothered because I certainly couldn't care less. She's my best friend and the place could be a disaster and I'd still visit. Of course, Lisa and her OCD wouldn't allow for it. Okay, so she doesn't really have OCD, but we joked about it anyway. "Actually, the drive wasn't too bad, but I had a case at the end of the day that just didn't want to end." As I walked into the house, I set my stuff by the door. I knew I was staying in the spare room upstairs but I wanted to sit down with her and chat for a while before having to unpack.

John appeared from around the corner, holding two glasses in his hands. I knew one was water - since getting pregnant, Lisa managed to avoid drinking anything with caffeine. Except for chocolate. She did have a weakness for chocolate. John knew my drink of choice was a diet soda. I reached out to take it from him. "Hi John! Thanks for the drink. I could certainly use a little caffeine."

"Not a problem Rachel." John replied. He then turned to face Lisa. "Hey, if you don't mind, I think I'm going to leave you girls alone. Mark just called and asked if I could stop by for a bit. He wants me to come take a look at his new laptop he got this afternoon." I swear, I think I saw a little sparkle in his eye at the words "new laptop."

Lisa smiled. "Of course! We'll be right here!" She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Just don't let him talk you into buying one just like it." She smiled. John was one of the nicest guys, but a sucker for new technology. Thankfully, he was just as frugal as Lisa was. He liked the good stuff, but would never pay top dollar or make that kind of purchase on a whim.

John headed to the door and grabbed his coat on the way out. Turning, he waved to both of us. "See you two later! Don't wait up!" With that, he left. Mark was a friend from work who happened to live just down the street. His wife, Corinne, was amazing. The two of them already have three kids and she handles them so well, it's almost sickening.

Lisa and I plopped ourselves into her couch. I could tell she was anxious to hear about the journal, which I noticed I still had clutched in my hand. "So tell me what Aunt Maggie had to say! I'm dying to hear."

Over the next two hours, I read her portions of the journal, talked about what I could remember from childhood, and filled her in on the information I had gathered about James Fredrickson and his family.

"Okay Lisa. Enough about me. How are you and the baby doing?" I reached over and touched her belly - something I would never think to do with anyone but her.

Page 8

2009-08-12T21:56:00.000-07:00

As usual, my meeting went longer than I anticipated, which meant I didn't get on the road on time and by then I was starving and couldn't wait for the blueberry pie. Knowing I'd pay for it later, I drove through the nearest fast-food joint on my way and tried not to think about the insane amount of calories I just consumed.

To get my mind off my artery-blocking meal, I focused on what I had read in Aunt Maggie's journal up to this point. The antique owner, James, turned out to be James Fredrickson. A quick look online during my lunch break, found that Mr. Fredrickson not only owned an antique store, but eventually ventured into jewelry, and did quite well. His descendants are fairly famous in Phoenix. I strained to remember the name, but high-end jewelry wasn't exactly within my reach when I lived there. It wasn't hard to find a little dirt on him though.

It turns out that although James may have started out legit, his son and grandson didn't follow suit. I found several articles online that elude to some shady dealings, but until I can get in contact with someone in charge down there, at this point it's all speculation.

I also found out that Sarah and her family were missionaries to South America. Aunt Maggie talked of her leaving in the spring of 1967. They corresponded for a while but eventually lost touch. Knowing my aunt was staunchly religious, this surprised me that she didn't talk about her more. I decided to give my mind a break and turned on the radio, tuning out my thoughts until I would arrive safely at Lisa's house.

Page 7

2009-07-21T21:28:00.000-07:00

As Moose stayed content to be curled up in my lap, I have to admit that I felt a little guilty reading Aunt Maggie's journal. Journals were supposed to be private. In my experience, a journal was there as a therapeutic way of dealing with things - not to be seen by others. I looked up at the clock. It was already getting late and I was exhausted from the day. I looked at Moose. "Time to get into bed, buddy." He turned and groaned. I agreed.

********************

I hate those mornings when you wake up feeling like you got no rest. I had the craziest dreams last night. Hoping to revive me, I hopped in the shower, but my mind was grasping to remember the bits and pieces of whatever was going through my head while I slept. I'm pretty sure Aunt Maggie was in it - something about a dessert, and then Lisa's baby wanted to play patty-cake. I rolled my eyes to no one but the shower curtain. "Nice going Rachel. It's not even born yet." As I got out and got dressed, I heard the phone ring. "Coming!" I shouted in the air. I'm not quite sure who I was shouting to - there isn't anyone else in my apartment.

I grabbed the phone. "Hello?"

"Rachel, it's Lisa! Did I wake you?"

I used my towel to dry off my hair as I talked on the phone. "No, it's fine. I'm up. Is everything okay? How's the baby?"

I heard Lisa sigh on the other end of the line. "The baby's fine Rachel. No need to worry. I was just checking to see if you were still planning to come down."

I felt like an idiot. Was it Friday already? "Yes! Of course I'm coming. I need the weekend away - this is perfect timing." Thankfully no one could see what I was doing while I talked on the phone. Juggling a phone, clothes, hairbrush and trying not to step on my cat, would be quite the sight.

"Great. I'll see you tonight. What time do you think you'll get here?" Lisa asked.

I looked at my watch. "Well, I've got a meeting at 3:30 and because it's late, I won't have another case until Monday. I can probably get out of here by 5:00...I should get there just in time for your blueberry pie for dessert." I smiled. Lisa made the best blueberry pie.

"Sounds good to me! John is going camping with his dad so it'll be just us girls for a while. I'll see you tomorrow night then!" And with that, our call ended.

I looked at the table where I put the journal. I needed to be sure I brought it with me. Lisa had to see this.

Page 6

2009-07-10T18:45:00.000-07:00

I sat down on the couch with Moose sitting next to me. I had a nice bowl of double-chunk chocolate ice cream in my lap. My favorite. Just as I was going to take the first bite, I heard the sound of a knock at my front door. Putting my bowl aside, I looked at Moose, "Who could that be buddy?" I walked to the front door, pausing to look at the bat I kept in the corner. Deciding not to grab it, I looked through the peep-hole and then opened the door.

"Miss Blake, it's Mrs. Jenson." I sighed. It was the building manager. An older couple ran the building, Mr. Jenson being the one who did most of the repairs. They were nice, but had a tendency to be a little nosey.

"Good evening Mrs. Jenson. What can I do for you?" I leaned up against the door jam.

Mrs. Jenson had a medium sized box in her hands. "The UPS man dropped this off for you earlier today. I didn't think you'd want it just left in front of your door, so I held it for you." She stretched out her arms and gave me the package.

I could tell she was curious as to what was inside. I took the box. "Thank you Mrs. Jenson. I really appreciate that."

"Okay then. Have a good evening." And with that, she turned and left.

"Look Moose! We got a package! Let's see who it's from." Unfortunately, there was no return address, which made me a little nervous. It wasn't just a month ago that a city police officer had received a bomb in his mailbox. I leaned my ear against the package. I didn't hear any ticking, but I also didn't like that I wasn't sure who it was from. Of course, a really smart bomb-maker would make something that didn't tick, right?

Scooping up my bowl of ice cream (which was now starting to melt), I sat back down on the couch. Before opening the package, I wanted my ice cream. It had been a long day and I needed the chocolate!

*********************

I watched the news as I finished my ice cream. The big story today was a tanker truck that had rolled over on the freeway, causing traffic to back up for miles. The driver was drunk but thankfully no one was hurt.

As I opened the box, my mind raced as to who it could be from. Lisa would've said something and I wasn't expecting anything from work. As I opened the package, I saw what was inside. It appeared to be a diary. It looked old. Wrapped in a faded blue floral print, I carefully opened it up to reveal my aunt Maggie's name, scribbled inside. "1963" was written at the top of the first page. I began to read.

********************

"March 6, 1963. James came by today to talk to Carl. I still haven't decided if I like that fellow or not. Sarah vouched for him, but she isn't always a good judge of character. She told me at church on Sunday that he was from Memphis and he was planning to start a new business here in town. I think she mentioned it to be an antique store, but I'll have to ask her again. Something about him just doesn't sit well with me though. I'll have to talk to Carl about it tonight."

Who was this James guy? The name Sarah sounded familiar. I thought Aunt Maggie had talked about her - I think she may have been a neighbor long ago. I made a mental note to check that out.

"March 8, 1963. Carl insists that James is a good man. He confirmed that James planned to open an antique store on fifth street, right across from the library, in the old furniture store that went out of business a few years ago. I guess I'll just have to wait and see."

I racked my brain. Furniture store? Antique store? I don't remember those on fifth street in Phoenix.

Page 5

2009-07-03T20:38:00.000-07:00

I had the horrible habit of reading out loud. "Okay Mr. Cross, let's see just who you are." My fingers typed frantically, searching him out. After a few minutes, I found that Henry Cross was a respected lawyer in Phoenix, and had moved out there from South Carolina. He'd been in practice for over 25 years but had only been in Phoenix for six. He worked from a firm called Benjamin, Hutton and Cross. "Why are you calling me Mr. Cross?" I wanted to continue searching more, but I needed to focus on the cases I was hearing today.

********************

How is it that time gets away from me so quickly? I hated that feeling - that my day had slipped by me without me knowing. I suppose it had something to do with my control issues, but I had to admit that I was feeling uneasy. "Knock, knock" I heard a voice at my door.

"Come in" I answered. It was Paul. He carefully walked into my office. "Paul, what are you doing here so late? It's after six..."

He waved me away, "Oh just this case I'm working on that's keeping me busy." If he was really consumed by it, he didn't show it. "I wanted to stop by and see how you were doing. You looked a little...distracted, this morning."

Great. I really needed to work on my poker face. I was able to switch gears pretty well between home life and work, but apparently I didn't focus quickly enough earlier. "I'm fine Paul, really. Just busy, is all." I started to gather up my things.

Paul leaned up against the door jam. "Oh, okay. If you say so. Happy birthday by the way." He grinned.

I sighed. "Thanks. Just another one to mark off." I got up and headed to the door.

"Can I walk you out?" Paul asked. "I'm leaving myself anyway."

I hesitated. He saw. I didn't mean to hesitate, or for him to see that. Paul was a nice guy and I know he means well, but I just didn't want to give off any wrong signals. I'm not interested in dating anyone, and I certainly don't want him to think I am. Even if he's only just being nice. I also didn't want to offend him. Against my better judgement, I agreed. "Um, sure Paul, that would be great." I turned and grabbed my purse and keys. As I locked the door behind me, Paul started talking. I couldn't get the mysterious Mr. Cross out of my mind, and therefore, found myself tuning Paul out. By the time we left the building, I had no idea what he was talking about.

"So what do you think Rachel?"

I turned and looked at him, "What was that Paul?" He frowned. Shoot. He knew I wasn't listening.

"Never mind. You're obviously preoccupied. We can discuss it later." He played it off, but I could tell he was disappointed I wasn't paying attention.

I opened my car door. "I'm sorry Paul. I've just got a lot on my mind - I wasn't trying to ignore you."

He smiled. "I understand Rachel. Just let me know if you need anything." I climbed in the car and he shut my door.

As I pulled out of the parking lot, I felt a little guilty. But I had other things on my mind and he would just have to wait. Just then, my cell phone rang. Obeying the newly-enacted law, I quickly pulled out my blue tooth and answered the phone. As a judge I knew better than to push my luck with talking on my cell phone while driving. The cops around here were really cracking down, especially after the big accident earlier this month that killed a small child, all because the father wasn't paying attention while on his phone. "Hello?"

It was Lisa. "Hey there birthday girl! How was your day? I tried getting you at home but I see you're working a little late again today."

"Thanks Lisa. Yeah, it was a pretty busy day. Honestly, I forgot it was my birthday." I smiled. Honestly, I had no problem forgetting it. "What's up? How are you feeling?"

For the next few minutes, Lisa talked about the pregnancy, her cravings and annoyances, like swollen feet and ankles. Her husband was doing a really good job helping, in fact, a little too much. It sounded like he was being a little over-protective of his pregnant wife, but I thought it was cute. I could tell Lisa was getting a little tired of it. I pulled into my parking spot. "Hey Lisa, I'm home now. Can I call you later?"

"Oh sure, no problem. Are we still on for this weekend?" I almost forgot. I was supposed to drive down and visit. I quickly scanned my memory for any possible scheduling conflicts.

"Yeah, I think that should still work. Let me get back to you." After a quick goodbye, she hung up. Honestly, I was looking forward to a quiet night, but that was going to be impossible.

Page 4

2009-06-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

I looked at the clock. "Dang. I need to get moving." I quickly dressed, put on makeup and headed out the door. I needed to get to work but couldn't get the phone call from Mr. Cross off my mind.

As I pulled into my parking spot (one of the perks of being a judge - parking here was a prized possession) I took one last look in the mirror before getting out. Adjusting a stray hair, I grabbed my briefcase and decided to take the stairs to my office. Lisa and I were on a little bit of a health kick - she desperately wanted to keep her baby weight from ballooning past what was acceptable, and I desperately wanted to keep my figure from going downhill after turning 30. Besides, three flights of stairs was reasonable.

As I reached the third story and entered the hallway, I heard a voice from behind me. "Hello Rachel."

I turned to face Paul Whittman. He was an attorney for the county. We had gone to school together, then he had a practice down in Sacramento. He recently moved back up and we remained cordial. We weren't close, but he was someone that if needed, would be a great help to me. "Hello Paul. What's new with you?"

Paul opened the door for me as we reached my office. "Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you Rachel. But I see you're busy..." he saw the mountain of paperwork piled up on my desk. I turned and blushed. I hated that. I worked hard to maintain my composure as it wasn't an easy field to be a woman, but I hated to admit that I embarrassed easily. I didn't like him seeing the mess. He caught my hesitation. "You know what? I'll catch up with you later. Maybe we can do lunch sometime this week?"

"I'd love to, but my schedule is full. I'm afraid my lunch times are going to be a bit crazy this week." That was the truth. "They've got me scheduled so tightly, I'm starting to think they want to see if I actually bleed." That made him smile. The real truth was, two judges had recently left - one retired and one moved to the east coast, which meant their caseloads were dropped on the laps of the rest of us left in the county.

"Okay then. I'll see you around." And with that, he left. I recalled a conversation I'd had with Lisa a few months ago about Paul. She thought he was a good catch, and in many instances, she was right. Obviously, because he was an attorney, he was someone with a focus and made a good living. I didn't know much about his family life, other than I knew he had grown up around the Spokane area and moved to the west side for school. He wasn't hard to look at either. I'd guess him to be about 6' 2", slight athletic build, and short, brown hair. He kept his face clean (which I preferred - I always felt like a man with facial hair was trying to hide something) and blue eyes. He might have been intimidating if it wasn't for his smile. I prided myself on being a fairly good judge of character (which came in handy in my profession) and I think Paul was a decent man. However, I didn't know a lot about him personally and I didn't have any time for dating. Lisa knew that, but she was a bit of a romantic.

I sat down in my chair, kicked my Steve Madden shoes off, sliding them under my desk, and opened my laptop. It was time to Google Mr. Henry Cross.

Page 3

2009-06-22T20:16:00.000-07:00

I switched the phone to my other ear while I grabbed a pen a paper. Mr. Cross continued, "Miss, I'm an attorney down here in Phoenix, Arizona. I represent Mrs. Margaret Cook."

I do believe my heart stopped. Just for a moment. Margaret Cook - Maggie as she was known by most - was my great-aunt. She raised me after I lost my parents. "What is this about Mr. Cross?" My hand was shaking as I tried to write down everything quickly as it was said.

Mr. Cross sounded just slightly annoyed. "Miss Blake, a document has been discovered recently from Mrs. Cook. It's addressed to you."

At that moment, memories flashed across my mind. Aunt Maggie was an amazing woman - strong, confident, but also very caring, and very smart. She passed away a few years ago, at the age of 87. She was a fighter but lung cancer took her life. She never smoked a day in her life, but Uncle Carl did. He quit when he was in his 50s and ironically, it wasn't the smoking that killed him. He died of a heart attack a few years after he quit. Aunt Maggie remained single, always telling me how much she loved Carl. He was the love of her life and no one else could replace him. When she took me in, I loved hearing her tell stories of their life together. Moose stirred in my lap, which broke my train of thought. "I don't understand Mr. Cross. I thought all of Aunt Maggie's paperwork was with the will? I remember it quite clearly." When Aunt Maggie died, she didn't have much, but Uncle Carl was also a smart man and made sure that she would never have to want for anything. He put his money in the right places, and always made sure that wherever he worked, he received good benefits for his family. I heard Mr. Cross sigh. I don't think he meant for me to hear it.

"You are correct, Miss Blake. Your great-aunt made sure all of her paperwork was in order, long before she passed away. This was not part of that set of papers, Miss Blake. I'm afraid you are going to have to come down here to Phoenix."

My curiosity was piqued. "Mr. Cross, I assume you know I'm a judge? My schedule is very busy and..."

He interrupted me, "I understand that Miss, but Mrs. Cook was very specific that she wanted you here to look through this. Please take a couple of days to make arrangements, then call me back and we'll discuss flight information." He went on before I had a chance. "And don't worry about accomodations...Mrs. Cook also provided that for you." Mr. Cross gave me the phone number to reach him at and quickly hung up. I just stood there with the phone in my hand. What could possibly be so important? Before I could get a chance to answer my own question, the phone rang again. It startled me, and I actually jumped. Poor Moose lept from my arms.

"Hello?"

"Rachel, it's Lisa! Happy Birthday!" My shoulders relaxed as I realized it was my best friend, checking up on me as she always does. "How was your run this morning? Do you have lunch plans for your birthday?" I winced when she asked about lunch - she knew I wasn't about to have lunch with my co-workers at the courthouse, and I certainly didn't have a boyfriend to meet up with.

"No Lisa - just me and my lunch. I might splurge and get myself one of those decadent slices of cheesecake from the bakery down the street though."

"Mmmm" she said, "I remember when you took me there last fall. That was delicious! Now you've got me craving that too!" Lisa and her husband John, were about to have their first baby. She was at the end of her first trimester and had major cravings. She was fortunate that she didn't get any morning sickness. Instead she ate everything. And I mean everything. She was lucky - it didn't seem to put any unnecessary extra pounds on her either.

I laughed, "Lisa, I could've told you I was having a cardboard box with whipped cream on top and you'd crave that!"

She laughed as well. "Rachel! I'm not THAT bad!"

Our conversation continued for a few minutes. I probably should've told her about my phone call from Mr. Cross, but I didn't want to kill the mood. Plus, I needed to do some digging on Mr. Henry Cross.

Page 2

2009-06-21T21:06:00.000-07:00

I still really enjoy a long, hot shower. Sometimes I imagine that the days' junk is just washing right off. Especially when I have to hear very emotional cases like today.

I looked around and saw my favorite pair of pajamas. Call me silly, but the most comfortable pair I own happen to be Hello Kitty. Of course, being single, it doesn't really matter since no one but Moose sees me in them. And last I checked, all he cared about was food, water, and a good lap to cuddle in. However, it was morning and therefore Hello Kitty had to wait. My business attire beckoned me from the closet. But first, breakfast.

As I sat down in my couch (or rather, plopped into it), I saw the answering machine was blinking. I looked at Moose. "Well buddy, it could be important, but I'm just not ready to talk to anyone tonight just yet. Let's see what's on tv."

It still amazes me just how many channels provide so little amount of good entertainment. It was hard to sift through the numerous infomercials, violent movies and sex-ridden shows to find a good program. Finally finding something that awarded entertainment with minimal thought, I put Moose next to me and picked up my mail again.

"Bills, bills and more bills." I looked at Moose. "When are they going to stop sending me these?" I smiled, answering my own question. "I suppose when I decide that a roof over my head and electricity are not necessary."

As I stretched out on the couch, I looked about my apartment and smiled. It was truly the one place I felt safe and comfortable. Knowing how much I make, Lisa thought I was crazy to take this place over some other possibilities. But I liked being close to things, and I liked it's charm. I lived in a renovated building that had strict policies, (therefore feeling a little bit safer about things) but my neighbors were all pretty eccentric. I was okay with that, as long as they didn't expect me to socialize. I don't have an ounce of creative ability, so Lisa helped me with decorating. Just enough splashes of color in my neutral surroundings, made it look more expensive than it was. The only thing I insisted on was working around my kitchen table. It was my parent's. It was the only thing I had left of them.

My serene moment was broken by the phone ringing. Assuming it was Lisa calling to wish me a happy birthday, I blindly picked it up. "Hey Lisa! Thanks for the card!"

"Miss Blake...my name is Henry Cross. I'm from Phoenix."

Instantly, my stomach turned and my demeanor changed. Phoenix. That's where I was born. I hadn't been there in nearly 20 years. "Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Cross. How can I help you?" Thankfully, my years as an attorney and now judge, gave me the ability to quickly compose myself. Professionalism was practically my middle name.

Moose must've felt my fear as he jumped up onto my lap, looking up at me as if to ask what was wrong. I know some people don't like cats, but this is what I loved about Moose - he knew exactly what I was feeling, and knew just what to do to help me through.

Chapter 1

2009-06-20T21:38:00.000-07:00

I am writing on an old table, using candlelight to see. Six months ago, I would never have envisioned my life to be at the place it is now. It's hot, humid, and my arms itch from the numerous mosquitoes who have taken their taste. I write this now, because I don't know where I will be soon, and I fear that if I don't, no one will know.

Six months ago, my days were pretty routine - well, as routine as a judge can be. Every day brought new cases to listen to, new problems to solve. But aside from that, life was pretty normal.

**********

"Everyone rise!" The bailiff called out. He then went on to introduce me to the room. "Honorable Judge Blake" as those people would address me. Although I had been a judge for three years now, it still took some getting used to. My friends just call me Rachel. But here in the courtroom, it was my opinion that ruled, and my attitude that set the standard. Because of this, I have to admit, my personality had grown somewhat hard. As a Family Law Attorney, I quickly learned what worked and what didn't when it came to my profession. I needed a certain amount of sympathy, but I also needed to be confident and in control. Thankfully, it wasn't a difficult stretch for me.

I was lucky - I graduated top in my class in Law School, quickly learned the ropes of being a successful attorney, and soon found myself in a judges seat. I don't think it would've come so easily except for my photographic memory, which came in handy when it came to legalese and case laws. There was no hemming and hawing...if I read it, I knew it.

Most of my colleagues were much older than me...and men. I would be lying if I said it was an easy group to get along with. Although I had won over a few, most despised my youth and gender. Because of this, I didn't have any close friends at work.

I also chose not to live the life of most of my well-paid equals. They lived in lavish houses or swanky apartments with more bathrooms than I could count. My apartment was nice, but modest. No one came around, except for my friend Lisa, who occasionally stopped by to remind me that life did exist outside my courtroom walls. She was someone I had known since high school and she was the only one who knew the true me. I suppose some would think I was depraived. I felt lucky. She was an amazing friend.

**********

My alarm went off like any other morning. I've never been a morning person, but it was the only time I was able to get out and run. I don't like gyms - too many people. I like getting outside, smelling the fresh air, and letting my mind enjoy the calm. After about 30 minutes, I headed back to my apartment. I lived in a nice neighborhood, but I wasn't naiive. Always checking my surroundings, my keys were attached to a can of mace. A few years ago, someone tried to mug me while I was out and Lisa insisted I carry the mace. I was hesitant at the time, but I knew she was right. Plus, it didn't hurt to have it...just in case.

Rounding the corner, I fumbled for my keys. I decided to take the stairs, rather than ride the elevator. It always seemed silly to me to lazily take the elevator when I was trying to exercise. I made it to my door and walked in, where my cat, Moose, came to greet me. I picked him up in my arms. "Hi there sweetie...are you hungry?" I walked him into the kitchen and grabbed some food, pouring it into his bowl. Moose was old and feeble, but he was my companion. His long, grey fur, was soft to the touch and his back arched as I stroked his fur. I could hear a rumbled purr and see a satisfied look on his face. Oh, to be him - without a care in the world.

As I headed to my room to get ready for my shower, I picked up my mail that I had forgotten to thumb through the night before. I had the horrible habit of doing that, which caused a few bills to be late because I had set them down without looking. I suppose it was my need to be in control - I would only look through it when I wanted to. Plus, I was always a little annoyed at the numerous amount of junk mail that came to my box. Seriously - some people are so worried about saving the trees these days - why don't they hound the people who send junk mail? I bet my junk mail could make a small Christmas tree in a week.

A larger, pink envelope caught my attention. Closer examination showed it was a birthday card from Lisa. Darn. I was hoping she'd forget. But thankfully, she didn't. Unfortunately, she lived a few hours away so we couldn't get together as much as we'd like. But she never forgot my birthday. I opened it up. Was I really already 30? I shuttered. I suppose I should be lucky - some people didn't think I would survive this long. There were days I wondered that myself.

Yes, I'm successful now. But life wasn't so easy for me and only Lisa knew why. Maybe I'll go into that later. I found myself hastily looking through the rest of the mail, throwing it on the bed as I walked into the bathroom. I needed a good, long, hot shower.